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Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Am I Forgetting Her Already?

Working with Hospice, you are surrounded by death, as much as you wish these people wouldn't die..reality is..they are dying.

My Maw-Maw passed away April 2001. She suffered with lung cancer. She was never "sick" she just slowed down. In here dying day was the only time I saw her struggle, or at least she let it show that day. That day was the saddest day I have ever had to deal with up 'til then. I was there when she took her last breath. I was there when it took my grandpa a few seconds to realize it was her last breath. I was there to see my dad cry, which I had never seen before. I held her hand until Hospice came and they moved me out of the room for a few minutes. I never left the doorway. Somehow I felt my maw-maw needed me. Once I got back in the room, I held her hand and felt the coldness and stiffness set in. I cried. I cried more when I realized she wasn't there to make it ok, as she always did in the past.

After her burial, I dreamed of her daily. Thoughts would come in my head about her. I could still see her in my mind. I could still hear her voice and feel her warmth.

A few months went by and I met Mr. TSB. I truly felt she sent him to me. She always told me, when she gets to heaven that will be her first job. She didn't like my first husband and the abuse I lived through. She truly felt I deserved someone better, even when I didn't think so. Through dating she stayed on my mind because I was always telling Mr. TSB about her. But, days would go by that I didn't see her in my mind or dream of her.

I was driving home today, after visiting a patient that I don't think will make it another 24 hrs, I started thinking about Maw-maw. I realized it had been awhile since I thought about her. I haven't dreamed of her in a long time. I tried to think about the way she would smile, laugh, and hug. It's starting to get hard to remember. I know life has been hectic but I never thought I would be able to just NOT think of her, but it's happening and I don't like it.

Am I forgetting her already?


link | posted by Mrs. TSB at 5:24 PM






1 Comments:
Anonymous Tasha had this to say:

that was a lovely story hun... sorry she has passed... my great nana passed away 4-20-05.. and its hard.....

3:19 PM 

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I'm a SAHM to 3 girls. We became foster parents in May 2006 in hopes of adoption. We love our girls and could never picture ourselves without them. Although life is much busier, we couldn't be any happier. Here's our story...